It’s Easy to Fall in Love

It’s easy to fall in love. You meet, you talk, you find each other attractive. He likes your personality, you like your smile. You go on a couple of dates, you decide you like each other after discovering you both like reading and have similar musical tastes. You smile, hold hands, make out on a bench in the dark corner of the park, away from anyone who could potentially ruin the moment with crude remarks or a threat to call the cops.

Yes, it’s easy to fall in love. But the problem lies in falling out of it. It begins with something small. He doesn’t call you when he said he would; leaves you hanging on a date you planned the night before. He makes jokes about you, teases you in a way that gets under your skin, maybe loses your confidence a little. You get upset, you argue, then make up again, plastering fake smiles to reassure the other as if to show the world and each other that everything is okay. After all, you two like each other, right? There’s got to be something the two of you have in common because after all, you wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place.

But the arguments become bigger, harder to ignore. You try to hang on because you don’t want it to end. You’ve had enough “relationships” end prematurely, you’re tired of starting something new only to have it end a few dates later. It limps along for a little bit longer, but finally, it can’t be ignored any longer. The relationship, if you can call it a relationship, ends.

You cry for days, asking God why he ended the relationship. You’re tired of bad relationships. All you ask is for a good relationship, but you know you’ll never get it. You need to focus on yourself, improve upon the things to make you a better person. Even still, the hurt and disappointment is discouraging. To be constantly dumped is never something anyone wants to go through. Letting go is hard, because you’re still in love. You still like him, still wanting to get to know him and explore the relationship.

But it was wrong, the whole thing was wrong. If it had been right, he would have stayed and fought for you. Who needs someone who let you go in the first place? But the memories are still there and they come back to haunt you. It’ll go away eventually, diminish a little, but it’ll always stay there. You’ll always remember through the scars of life’s experiences. The memory the past and the thoughts of what might have been.

It’ll work out next time, or so you hope. But in the back of your mind, you know it might never happen. While there’s a possibility of gaining the love of your life, there’s an even greater chance of it never happening. Sometimes, the feelings you have are premonitions. You get a sudden clarity of knowing, an unshakable feeling that what you want is what you’ll never get.

Who can truly know until it happens? But only between man and God do things become more real.

Sweet Summertime

I miss the summer. I miss the sun burning through the sky. I miss the warmth of its rays dancing across my skin, the wind pushing through my hair. I see the sun out there now, brighter than its ever been in so many months. The grass is green, the trees still brown, waiting for the warmth of summer to come around again and take the torch from Old Man Winter. It’s time to begin again, see life come into the neighborhood with birds chirping, squirrels scampering, and rabbits hopping. The blinds spring open, gathering the light from outside to brighten the rooms in anticipation of summer’s release.

I look foreword to being outside more. I look foreword to the long walks and hikes, for bike riding and swimming. I long for the nice weather that allows me to drive safely without the fear of ice and snow to send me off the side of the road. I look foreword to not having to turn my heater on, to roll my windows down and my radio up, listening to “On the Road” songs that fit the moment of travel.

The sunshine brings energy to those like me who lie dormant in the winter, struggling to move and get the ball rolling. Having sunshine puts a little bounce into my step again, make me look foreword to doing more things that I’ve missed during the winter. Some people don’t like the summer, but I do. It brings life, brings baby animals and outside smells.

It’s April…

…And it’s starting to feel like spring! Finally! Yesterday it was sunny and warm, but very windy so it wasn’t very enjoyable to sit outside, mainly because the wind was whipping my hair around in an awkward manner plus it made it feel cooler sitting one spot than the actual temperature. Today started out warm, but it was raining the whole day so it got colder as the day went by. Then again, I’m easily cold and hate the rain, so that may be my problem about the whole thing.

I don’t know if this happens in every town, but once a year in April, the Rotary club in my town holds a Pancake Day from 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. I went there with my mom today thinking would be a good day because I thought it was around 3 dollars per person. When we got there, we realized it was 6 dollars per person. For a few years, my dad always got us free tickets since Bob Evans donated some of the food for the day. But today, I realized how expensive and a waste of time it is to go there every year for 3 piddly pancakes and two very small sausages (I forced myself to eat the sausages, but as a rule I hate the little suckers). You could go to Cracker Barrel or Bob Evans and get four ginormous pancakes for 6 dollars. So my recommendation is that if your town ever had a pancake day for some group, don’t go. It’s probably expensive.

Culture and Popularity

I generally don’t like a lot of things that people automatically expect everybody to like just because it’s a major part of our culture, which is to say is a lot of things. I like to follow my own road in the way of likes and dislikes. Just because everybody says it’s good mean it IS good. For example, everybody’s supposed to like the Beatles. They no doubt influenced the music culture for future generations of musicians and held sway in the imaginations and fascination of young people. My dad loved them. Some people my age love them now. But as for me, I don’t understand why they’re popular. There’s maybe one or two songs that I find brilliant by the group, but I couldn’t care less about them one way or another. I just don’t understand the obsession over certain bands, music, movies, actors, and the like. Just because they made one brilliant film or album mean they should be put up on a pedestal.

I think I’m just the type of person who, when I say I like someone or something, I mean that I like one or two works that they did. I like Jude Law in Cold Mountain, but I couldn’t say I like him in anything else that he’s played in (too much of a pretty boy in my opinion). I like Batman played by Christian Bale and The Amazing Spiderman, but that doesn’t make me a fan of superhero movies in general and certainly not Robert Downey Jr.

I’m probably in the minority in a lot of things, especially in things/people that are popular. Maybe I have an aversion to popularity. But that’s just me.

Racism, Sexism, and Hannibal: Eat The Rude


My first reblog…but this is an important, thought provoking post about Hanibal, the t.v. show.

Originally posted on Eat This:

I’m an American actress and I play Beverly Katz on NBC’s HANNIBAL created by Bryan Fuller. (Spoiler Alert coming right now!!!) And she dies in episode 4 of Season 2. That episode got a lot of positive reviews, but it also incited an on-line storm of vitriol directed to Fuller himself for killing off Katz, or more specifically, for being racist and sexist. I caught wind of this myself via Twitter from our beloved Fannibals. And I thought maybe it’d be productive to talk about rather than ignore it.

Fuller cast me in a role that I didn’t think I had a chance in hell of getting. I rarely if ever see minorities, women, minority women, let alone Asian women, get to play characters like Beverly Katz. I rarely if ever see characters like Beverly Katz period. And her last name is Katz for Christ’s sake. Pretty open-minded, non-racist, pro-feminine…

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Gas Prices

This morning, I made myself get out of the house and go get some gas. It was 3.41 where I came from and to me that’s expensive, but I figured that since it keeps rocketing up to the 3.70 area, I might as well go and get some while the getting is good. Not to mention that I didn’t want to be near the E line in one or two weeks with gas prices going through the roof. If there’s such a thing as a rock and a hard place, it would be people and getting gas.

I decided to go by the library and drop off my pile of books and movies that I either finished reading or didn’t want to finish or start reading. It wasn’t open, of course, but it was nice just to throw them all in the book drop for them to check in later. I felt kind of bad for the shelvers having to go out in the cold and getting them being that I was a shelver once in the not too distant past, but when you don’t want to carry them into work for you the next day, you just don’t want to carry them into work. I probably shouldn’t check out so many books out at one time, but sometimes it’s hard not to.

The air was cold outside, but it was made better with the sun shining. I hate all kinds of cold, no matter if it’s 30 degrees or negative degrees, but when the sun is out and bright, it somhow makes everything seem that much more tolerable. At least when I’m sitting inside in the warmth looking out the window. Just makes everything more brighter, more hopeful and happy. And did I mention that I can’t wait until spring finally defeats winter?

Cabin Fever and the Like

Being that cabin fever is running unusually high (with all considering the winter we had up here, I wouldn’t have expected any less), I went out running around with my mother. We didn’t do anything exciting, just went to Wal Mart, Lowe’s and the Goodwill store, but it was nice to get out of the house. I finally used up my Wal Mart gift card on The Sims 3 University Life. I know that sounds hilariously awkward coming from me, but I love the Sims. I’ve played The Sims back when it was first in its infancy with its 2 dimensional characters. There’s just something about building up families and creating social networks and relationships. It’s very entertaining and allows me to escape from reality for a little while by going into a different, alternate reality. They should give awards for die hard fans.

We were also looking for trees and shrubs to put in the front by the house. Last summer/fall, right before my dad died, we’d pulled up all the bushes because we wanted to put something new and not as big as the bushes that were in there before (the ones that had been there since the house was built). But there wasn’t anything we wanted anywhere, considering that the choices were sparse. I don’t think anyone’s going to believe that spring’s coming until it’s actually come. But wouldn’t it be nice when it finally does?