When I was a teenager, I had an idea of what I wanted in a man and a relationship with him. I wanted him to be tall, dark, and handsome (typical) with some facial hair (Lord of the Rings and similar movies were all the rage when I was in high school, influencing my taste in men). I wanted him to be smart/intelligent, career minded, and someone who could make me laugh. But most of all, I wanted him to be romantic.
Oh yes, every woman dreams of the Romantic Man and I was no exception. I expected him to take me out on dates at least once a week. I wanted him to take me to the movies, take me out to dinners, go hiking, and many other dates that I considered acceptable. Valentine’s Day and other holidays had to be included in the package. While I didn’t want chocolates and teddy bears for Valentine’s Day, I did want to go out to dinner and snuggle in with a good movie. Speaking of snuggles, I wanted my Man to hold hands with me, snuggle with me when necessary, and make me feel better when I’m feeling down.
Even in my early twenties I imagined these things with great fervor, even when I didn’t get it with the few guys I dated. But now that I’m older and seeing someone new, I’ve begun to simmer down with my expectations of what should happen in a relationship. I know I may not get a guy with long hair and a beard, nor will I get a guy who wants to spoil me with dates every single week, but at least I know I’m with a guy who wants to be with me and making the best of it even within the circumstances.
I’m sure there’s people out there who will tell me I shouldn’t give up on my dreams, that I should have high expectations of the men I date, but sometimes things change. The older I and my friends and acquaintances get, the more commitments we have to work and social lives. We need to compromise and work around it if we really want to make it work.
At the same time I wonder how a relationship can last when you don’t see each other on a regular basis. If I had been dating someone for a long time and for whatever reason we needed to have a long distance relationship, I would do it if we loved each other enough. But does it need to happen so early in the relationship? I feel like it happens to me every time I try to start a new relationship with something and eventually we break up because we get too frustrated about not being able to see each other regularly.
It’s a tough call to make and I’m definitely in limbo. I’m stuck in between what I want, what I need, and whether or not my dreams of what a good relationship should be fits in either or both. Maybe there’s a middle ground in there somewhere, but I have yet to find it. Eventually I’ll find it, or maybe not as I discover what I want (if at all) in a relationship. Do I really want a relationship? And if so, what do I want and need from it, and what am I willing to compromise in order for it to work? Time will only tell and I’m anxious to see where it all leads me.