It’s easy to fall in love. You meet, you talk, you find each other attractive. He likes your personality, you like your smile. You go on a couple of dates, you decide you like each other after discovering you both like reading and have similar musical tastes. You smile, hold hands, make out on a bench in the dark corner of the park, away from anyone who could potentially ruin the moment with crude remarks or a threat to call the cops.
Yes, it’s easy to fall in love. But the problem lies in falling out of it. It begins with something small. He doesn’t call you when he said he would; leaves you hanging on a date you planned the night before. He makes jokes about you, teases you in a way that gets under your skin, maybe loses your confidence a little. You get upset, you argue, then make up again, plastering fake smiles to reassure the other as if to show the world and each other that everything is okay. After all, you two like each other, right? There’s got to be something the two of you have in common because after all, you wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place.
But the arguments become bigger, harder to ignore. You try to hang on because you don’t want it to end. You’ve had enough “relationships” end prematurely, you’re tired of starting something new only to have it end a few dates later. It limps along for a little bit longer, but finally, it can’t be ignored any longer. The relationship, if you can call it a relationship, ends.
You cry for days, asking God why he ended the relationship. You’re tired of bad relationships. All you ask is for a good relationship, but you know you’ll never get it. You need to focus on yourself, improve upon the things to make you a better person. Even still, the hurt and disappointment is discouraging. To be constantly dumped is never something anyone wants to go through. Letting go is hard, because you’re still in love. You still like him, still wanting to get to know him and explore the relationship.
But it was wrong, the whole thing was wrong. If it had been right, he would have stayed and fought for you. Who needs someone who let you go in the first place? But the memories are still there and they come back to haunt you. It’ll go away eventually, diminish a little, but it’ll always stay there. You’ll always remember through the scars of life’s experiences. The memory the past and the thoughts of what might have been.
It’ll work out next time, or so you hope. But in the back of your mind, you know it might never happen. While there’s a possibility of gaining the love of your life, there’s an even greater chance of it never happening. Sometimes, the feelings you have are premonitions. You get a sudden clarity of knowing, an unshakable feeling that what you want is what you’ll never get.
Who can truly know until it happens? But only between man and God do things become more real.