There is a rock face in the woods right off the beaten path. It’s not easy to find; it’s off the main trail with the route there nothing more than a deer trail. The mini waterfall rock edifice takes all the attention, but if you keep pushing foreword, you find a small, hollowed out dome filled with trees and undergrowth as the rocks rise up from hell’s bottom. It’s peaceful here, yet lonely. It looks as if no one has seen it for hundreds of years. The sounds of giggling, talkative girls from the main thoroughfare are no longer heard here, as if the forest is shielding you from the world of humans.
Coming closer is a little tricky as the constant drip of water flows past you, absorbed in the muddy earth. It’s well worth it: The cluster of rocks at the base forms a comfortable chair to sit and look across the mini valley. Peering back towards the rocks, you can see the holes and mini passageways in between the rocks.
Here I sat, allowing the loneliness of life and my immediate surroundings soak into my very pores. I am aware of my past relationships, my hopes and broken dreams surround me, reminding me of what they once were. It’s almost too painful to bear, but I allow them to wrap themselves around me, the share edges cutting through me likes knives. They cut me, remind me of how they shaped me into who I am today.
The present quickly fades into the past and I long for certain moments to come back again: My first kiss, my relationships that didn’t quite make it to the relationship status. I longed to go back and change them, so that they could last longer, maybe even work out. But they didn’t and I found myself realizing that dating isn’t a fairy tale.
But I don’t want it back, because they’ve helped me realize reality and that maybe I don’t want a relationship at all. My mistakes, my trips and stumbles has brought me back to where I needed to be. The past is in the past, my future is in my present, not my past.
I pull away from the rocks, leaving my past behind me. I take a look back at my secret rocks. They cocooned me for the time, leaving me to my thoughts. I’ll have to come back again, even if it’s just to get away for a short time. But for now, it’s time to go back into the real world.