I started out this National Writing Month writing in my private journal. There were things that I wanted to write about that I didn’t want to share with potentially thousands of people in my blog. I don’t know if that stuff counts but there it is. I was going to write something more general in the blog yesterday just to start things out but every time I came to the blank page, I didn’t know what to say. So much has happened and so many different ideas are running around through my head that it’s hard to sit down and focus on something to write for my blog. I say this a lot, but really sometimes the ideas that I think up aren’t really worthy of showing to the world. I’m sure if I sat down and really thought through some of my ideas, they would work out to something interesting, but I never do.
I think the whole idea of it all is fear. Fear that I’m not writing anything of importance. Fear that people won’t like what I wrote because I said something the wrong way. I love to blog, but it makes me self conscious. People say to write for myself like no one else is going to read it, but it’s really hard. I’m putting my thoughts out there permanently. Everyone will know what my thoughts will be on a certain topic. And sometimes you just don’t want anybody know what you’re thoughts are on something, if you know what I mean.
I started to write a Holocaust story last night. Actually, I’d written the story for a creative writing class when I was in college but I always wanted to expand on it and make it at least a novella or longer. But this is the problem: I never know where to start in the story. Should I start it like I started in the short story, or should I write a memory first then have her come back to where I started in the first story? It’s frustrating. I’ve started and stopped this so many times I don’t even know what to say about it anymore. Maybe I just need to put it in a closet and not think about it anymore. But it’s so hard because I want to write this story. No matter how hard I try to forget about it, I keep coming back to it. Maybe one of these days I’ll have a moment of clarity. Maybe instead of writing my own story I can write some Fan Fiction. I really miss writing fan fiction stories.
And this, my friends, is why I never get any stories finished.