Writing

If I Said Yes.

June 1, 2015.

This is the date that I got asked to be someone’s girlfriend for the first time in my life. You would have thought I’d be excited about it. After all, I’d been dreaming and aching for someone to ask me that ever since I could remember. Instead, I was hesitant.

I was hesitant because I was afraid of committing to the man who had asked me. We’d been seeing each other on and off for a couple years at this point. We’d see each other regularly for a little bit, then something would happen that would make us upset and then I wouldn’t hear from him for a few months. He told me he understood and that he was going to prove to me that he truly cared for me and that it’d work out.

It did for a little while, then it happened again. I was hurt and brokenhearted. Even though I didn’t say yes, I was getting close to saying it. I’d thought he’d finally meant it that time. A few months later he came back again. I’m sorry, he said. I did you wrong. God told me in a dream that I did you wrong and that you were the one. This time, it’s for real.

And I was more hesitant than before, but I let him try to prove it to me again. And I almost thought it’d work. I wanted it to work.

Obviously, it didn’t work out, for different reasons I won’t explain here. But I think about it often, especially now that June 1 is coming up. We would have been dating for a year if I’d said yes. If it had worked out for us in the end. Would it had been different if I said yes? I don’t know. Maybe. I would have liked it to, especially considering he said a lot of right words to make me believe that I should and want a relationship. But, most likely not.

I got asked to be someone’s girlfriend for the first time last year. It will be the last time, I hope. It wasn’t as cracked up as everyone made it out to be.

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