A Wave of Lonely Thoughts.

I’m twenty nine years old and single.

Most of the time I’m okay with this. I enjoy being able to go to work and coming home and putting my jamis on without anybody caring. I enjoy going to bed at ten without taking a shower if I don’t have to go anywhere right away the next day. I enjoy going to the bookstore and strolling through the aisles. I enjoy going hiking or riding my bike on the whim. I’m a quiet person, but I enjoy knowing that I can do what I want without consulting anybody.

But sometimes being twenty nine years old and single isn’t always that fun.

Don’t get me wrong, I have some friends who are willing to go out and socialize with me when I need to socialize. But the older I get, the more people get into relationships, marriages, and families, the less time I have with the people I used to know. And it makes me kind of lonely. Sometimes it makes me wish that I had someone who is waiting for me at home, or expecting my phone call to just talk or go out somewhere. Someone to snuggle with and watch a movie.

I often wonder if this is not the root cause of why we all get into relationships to start with, you know? Most of our friends get their significant other, families, and/or jobs and no longer having a friend to go out with and run around town with, we settle with someone (most of the time anyone) just so we can have someone to socialize with and come home to so we don’t feel the paralyzing fear of loneliness.

Of course I wouldn’t settle with just anybody just to stave off the loneliness. And of course I don’t feel this way all of the time, but sometimes I think it would be nice. To have someone who’s happy to see you come through the door.

But this wave of emotions will fade and my old self will return. Once again I’ll feel like my old self and glad that I don’t have someone attached to me. Because that’s what I enjoy 95% of the time. But while it’s here, I’ll allow myself to feel the wave of loneliness and its possible redemptive qualities, even for a little while.

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6 thoughts on “A Wave of Lonely Thoughts.

  1. Being single into your thirties is no fun! I definitely can attest to that. But if you use your time well, I think you will come to see the benefits when you finally do meet the right person. Do all the things that you can – go on a long trip, do a masters program, volunteer – now that you have the time to do them. The right person will come along in due time; become the best version of yourself while you have time!

    1. Thanks for the sentiments! I know the feelings will pass and I’ll be back to my single loving self. 🙂 Not many people enjoy being single as much as I do. Sometimes it’s just a bugger being the only one enjoying it. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. I am so familiar with this loneliness! This is totally my life too. It’s like you’re having fun doing all of these things that you love, but then suddenly the loneliness closes in on you! I have to tell myself (and sometimes out loud) that one day I will miss these seemingly never-ending hours of solitude. And also I think of this Cheryl Strayed quote:

    “The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.”

    1. Glad I’m not the only one who feels that way! 🙂 Was that from her book Wild? It sounds familia. It’s like these things are here for a reason and I’m where I’m supposed to be, but it seems frustrating at the time.

      1. Okay! I’ve never read that one. I’ve only read about her hike up the Pacific Coast Trail. Also a good book. 🙂

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