Writing

What He’s Doing Now.

When you left me, I didn’t think I’d miss you. You hurt me way too many times, I’ve become jaded by your promises and heartbreaks, your leavings and your coming homes. Good riddance, I thought to myself, who cares that you’re gone now. But then a few weeks would go by and it would start again. My loneliness, my isolation, my longing for you to be by my side.

And just when I couldn’t take it anymore, we’d be back together again. There were talks and a few exclamations of “I’m sorry.” You realized that you had done me wrong and wanted to make it right. And once more I’d forgive you and there would be a short time of peace. I was too much of a coward to say goodbye. How can I say goodbye to a man who said he dreamed of me and saw the signs that he could do better by me, that I was the wrong? That face was too hard too sweet to say no too.

But it would all start again. The pressure. The perfection. And then we had an argument and that was when I should have known you’d never see me again. A day went by and we talked. You thought it was a good sign that I was talking to you again, I said “Yeah.” We made plans that Friday, but you never came. You never answered your phone. The end.

You hurt my feelings. I didn’t understand. Why did you tell me how much you wanted to prove that we were meant to be together only to dump me like this? I wandered about lost and confused. How could things have gone so wrong?

But the leaves changed color. The air turned cooler. The months came and went. You have moved on to other things. Obviously, you found a girl who wasn’t careful, who didn’t want to take the time to make sure that it was right. Your roller coaster went by me, but caught someone else riding the same ride as you.

I don’t think you realize the pain you put me in. You didn’t grace me of an ending worthy of a clean moving on. Instead, in your rush, you left me hanging where my arm got torn off, my heart bleeding crimson to the floor, staining everything for all of men to see. I had to sew it up myself, jagged, with remorse, infection searing into my soul.

My heart is slowly healing. I am finally on my own two feet. But you don’t realize what you’re doing now had torn me apart. Your intricate words caught me in a web and I couldn’t escape. You once tore me apart but I’m finding my pieces being put together again.

You might have thought I was the coward for not getting into a relationship with you so fast after the things you put me through. You might have disappeared from my life, thinking I’m too weak and cowardly for you. But I hope you realize one day that you were the cowardly one for being frightened by a woman too strong for your narrow world.

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