I want to savor the moments that I live in now. I want to enjoy where I am now in my life, because that is the expectations that are placed upon me and others. I am single, and with no children, I have the freedoms that others wish they could have again.
Don’t doubt me, I love these moments. I love what I can do without the consultation of others. I am content with being alone. The feeling of no strings attached.
But behind it all, there is a longing, an aching for something more that is beyond the borders of what I have. I want you to be with me. I want you to share my quiet life with me. I want you to eat dinner with me, paper plates and silverware while watching that dumb little show where people are desperate to find what is beyond. I want to feel you hold me close as the rain drips down the black shingles of the roof and tell me you love me. I want you to take me out and show me off at that little diner we found tucked away from everywhere, our secret in a town of no secrets. I want to go to the theatre with you in a little red dress, not because it impresses you, but because it makes me feel pretty and you make me feel beautiful.
I want these things; I wonder if you want them to. I tuck these thoughts, these emotions and feelings away because no one else wants to hear them. When I see you, I know you will understand the frustration of being happy but ready to move on to what we can be together. No one wants to hear your longings because they want you to savor what is happening in the now.
We’ll know differently. We’ll say goodbye to once was because it’s time, it’s now, it’s ready to be gone. It was good while it lasted, it was delightful to be in the luxury of oneness, but now we are one with two. When I get lost in your eyes, we’ll fall in love again and convey all these things without another word.
I ache for you and what will be, but I am satisfied until then.