What We Carry.

There are certain moments that we carry with us.

Unexpectedly, they come forth to us and we remember. How we remember and perceive them can often change, even though we don’t often see it. I want you to think that you’re the same in the eye of my mind, but you have shifted and morphed into something more or less than what you are.

Is it right? Should we control our human experiences to what actually occurred in a timeline of events of our actual lives?

Maybe, but this is boring.

Take away the emotions, take away the thought, and you remove the human element. Facts will never change, but how we think, feel, do in face of those facts brings up the variable of change.

Let’s not be passive. Instead let’s be bold in our emotions. If not for others, then for ourselves. We are our true vessels, and we need to be true to ourselves.

I loved you once. You tell me it isn’t love, that I was in lust. Have you looked into my mind? Have you experienced my thoughts and emotions? How can you tell if you haven’t felt what I felt, thought my thoughts, and generally been me in all that I am? It may not be love in the forever after ending, but it was love in the short experience of what it was. I think of you and I love. I think of you and wish it were not so.

I think of you just the same.

Memories are not linear. Instead they weave and rearrange. What was yesterday is now the future. What the future is was now the past. 10 years ago is now and vice versa. They are shaped to who we are; melded and melting and swirling to rearrange. It’s strong and weak and everything else.

If you can’t keep me strong and passionate, weak and crying and neutral and calm, then maybe you aren’t the person you thought you were. You aren’t the person I could ever be with, the last one to ever marry. If you can’t hold the wildness of my being, then you can’t hold me in the moment of my memory.

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