All the Money in the World

I’m currently reading All the Money in the World by John Pearson.

The book is about the Getty family and in particular J. Paul Getty, an eccentric womanizer who refused to help save his grandson from his kidnappers. It starts from the beginning with J. Paul Getty’s parents and progresses from there, showing all the nuances and oddities of the characters.

So far, I’m enraptured. I wasn’t aware of the Getty family. I’m vaguely familiar with Getty Images (are the two related?) but not much more than that. The rich business men of old (and even today) have their own set of rules and ways of living that just sucks me in. I know they wouldn’t care about a lowlife like me but the money, big houses and glamour makes me want to know more about them. I guess being poor makes you want to know what people with money do if they don’t have to worry about it. People have a disdain for the rich but really who are we to judge? Every class has their problems, they’re just something we’re not used to.

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Quality.

I used to be obsessive about blogging. Since I no longer have a traditional keyboard at the moment, I don’t participate as much. Hunting and pecking for each letter drives me nuts. Perhaps this is why I never got a real cell phone and keep using the landline. I don’t know.

Anyway,

So I don’t blog as much these days. It made me crazy for a while

But

I see how I pick my words more carefully now.

I only write when I have something to say.

Sort of.

Before I just wrote because I wanted to get content out there. It didn’t matter what it was as long as I pressed the publish button. That sort of thinking burns you out. Blogging because you want to be blog famous seems a rather silly notion these days.

And that’s the rub these days. We get a blog or get on YouTube because we see others have done it and became successful.

But if we keep plugging away at posts that don’t matter as long as it’s out there without thinking of the general direction we’re going then it’s not going anywhere. You’re just the same old schlep makings low quality content. I’d rather follow someone who is an amazing creator but doesn’t produce all the time because they are putting effort into their creations. I may be wrong but that’s how I feel about art and stories these days:

Quality has been trumped by quantity.

But maybe I’ve become apathetic over time.

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For Others.

For a few years I’ve been unhappy with reading. The act of holding a book and reading what is inside brought me to the tears of boredom. I wasn’t reading because it made me happy; in fact, I was reading because I felt like others had an expectation of me reading. I’m always reading, therefore I must enjoy it. But I wasn’t. Not at this point in my life.

So, in a drastic turn of events, I stopped reading. I’m not going to realize another word until I have gotten whatever this emotion is out of my system. This decision happened in November and since then I’ve only read maybe four books since then. I’m currently in the middle of one now; I feel as if I can read again, but I’m feeling the silent pressure building up again.

I created an online book group recently. I think reading one book a month is sufficient for me at the moment. This is the problem with passion and creativity: people expect it out of you and in an effort to live up to that expectation you burn out.

I don’t want that to happen to me again.

I think the key to everything is moderation. Everything is good but even your passions and hobbies can fizzle out if you don’t curb it.

This is my perspective. I’m not sure if I’m even correct, but I’m going to roll with it.

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Interests.

I think interests come and go. You find something new and you throw your entire being into what you’re doing. People take notice and follow you. People interact and you feel encouraged.

Then you hit a brick wall. You miss a day or two. People understand. Sometimes you need to take a break.

But then the short break turns into a long one. People hover for a while, then they fade away. They forget about you in favor of the next new artist, whatever that might be.

Then your passion starts again and you start to create again. There might be some interaction, but does the majority come back to you? Maybe…but probably not.

Is it worth it? Yes…and no.

It just depends on who you are and if you truly love what you’re doing.

Is it okay to take a break? Yes. Is it okay to come back? Yes. Will people come back? Maybe…but you shouldn’t worry (too much) about it. Easier said than done especially in a society of instant gratification. If you keep working on it, people will come back.

But I’m no expert. I don’t know how these things work. I just write and do other creations occasionally.

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It’s been a while for a lot of things. It’s been a while since I wrote seriously. It’s been a while since I read. I finished a book yesterday and it took me a couple of weeks to get through and it was one that should have taken a week or less to read.

It’s not because of anything.

I just realized that I didn’t want to do something I didn’t want to do. Easy as that.

It happens. People change. I was getting to the point where I realized that blogging was getting to be a chore and not a delight. I was blogging for the wrong reasons: I was blogging to be blog famous and lots of followers…and not because I wanted to write for the sheer pleasure of it.

I want to find the pleasure of doing things because I want to do them and not because someone thinks I’m enjoying them. My pleasures shouldn’t be restricted by others’ expectations and yet…that’s what we’ve allowed ourselves to do: we’ve allowed others to dictate what “should make us happy and not what actually does.

You know?

I am.

And that’s me.

I like watching YouTube videos and I’m content. I wanted to watch the new IT movie but I didn’t like it so I shut it off.

Life happens. And emotions.

What are you enjoying?

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Hello…

I’m still here. I just had some things going on that prevented me from writing and such. These type of posts annoy me when I see others posting them as I don’t care why others are writing as long as they’re writing now. However, I feel like I owe you guys an explanation.

Firstly, I hadn’t written because I felt like I was forcing myself when I didn’t want to and when you force writing, the quality takes a negative hit. And that affects me negatively as well (obviously). I don’t want to hate what I’m good at, so there you are.

Secondly, my faithful yet slow and prehistoric laptop took a swan dive into the cemetery of computers of which there’s no return. Sooo, I’d been without internet access for a couple weeks. If you want to know the meaning of withdrawal, that would be it.

So now I have access to the internet, but it’s through an iPad and I have yet to acquire a keyboard for it. As with most things, these are expensive and might be a while before I get one. In the the meantime, I have to type everything out letter by letter with my stylus and that’s annoying.

To make a long story shorter (?) I’m trying to say is that my posts might be sporadic for a while. Thanks for sticking around and if you’re still around in the future then I thank you even more. I hope I can get back to writing again soon.

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NanoWriMo

National Novel Writing Month starts today. Once again, I briefly thought about joining in but I already knew I wasn’t going to participate the moment I considered it. I know there are those who fanatically follow this wild race to 50,000 words, but I can’t seem to push myself in that way. Granted, I’m all about deadlines and meeting goals, but this always seemed a little much to me.

I once read a post about why the writer didn’t participate in NanoWriMo (as it’s called) and I really liked it. I wish I remembered what the article was so I could properly credit him, but he compared it to marathons. He asked the reader to compare running a full length marathon every day for 30 days. In the beginning, you’ll think it’s a breeze, but by the end of it your body has worn down: your joints are broken, you’re dehydrated, your muscles are worn off. It’s possible to finish, but you end with your body falling to pieces.

That’s how I see NanoWriMo: a wearing of the mind. Granted, I could probably reach 50,000 words if I really wanted to try and push myself. But by the end, the words will be garbled and not make much sense. It’s said that this doesn’t really matter but I can’t see myself doing this. I just can’t.

If you love the community and you like working towards a goal, then more power to you. For me, this isn’t my outlet. Just my thoughts tho.

And as always, there are always the variations of National Novel Writing Month. Writing in your blog every day, writing 25,000 words. That sort of thing. In this I can acknowledge that Nano has made us all creatives more aware of our art. And for that I can give the creators a resounding pat on the back.

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