The end of the month is approaching. I don’t know if I can believe that it’s almost over to be honest. Time seems to be at a stand still at the moment, it’s going slowly for me. But I’m waiting for someone to come home in June and the anticipation is making it seem much slower.
I’ve been writing at another blog. I started it because my boyfriend encouraged me to start afresh and be more proactive on it so I’m trying to do that. And I’m doing it because I want him to have something to read and look foreword to on the weekends. If you’re a long time follower of me here, you can follow me over there. It will still be me, except in a new space.
I will still keep up with this space as much as possible because I’ve cultivated this space for a long time and I don’t want to let it go. It’s been fun meeting new friends and such through this. So don’t completely abandon this one. I’ll just have another space that you can read more shenanigans on. ^_^
I’ve been reading a lot more lately. That’s been a good thing.
I need to get back into playing music, I miss it. This seems to be a reoccurring theme, I fear.
I’m up extremely early this morning. For a Saturday, it’s almost barbaric. When I woke with a headache and the need to relief myself, I was almost angry that I had to be up so early to take care of myself. When I went back to bed, I just laid there, unable to fall back asleep. So here I am, sitting up in bed writing because I need something to focus my mind and feel productive. To be honest, it’s kind of peaceful, to be up before anyone else is awake, to have a few moments of quiet before the hustle of the world rushes up to greet me.
It’s important to have quiet time, to be honest. We’ve become a culture that doesn’t allow the time to rest and rebuild. Then its people wonder why there’s so little creativity and productivity, more burnt out attitudes, depression, and the feeling of wasted time. We need to tell ourselves that its okay to take a step back and focus on things that make us happy. Drawing, reading, music; anything that will get us back into the swing of things.
I need to read more.
I need to write more.
I need to walk and play music more.
I need to be myself again. Adam is re-awakening me and I’ve realized I want to make him happy by making myself happy.
Bluegrass musicians think I’m going to be playing bluegrass music.
Irish musicians think I’m going to be playing Irish/Celtic/traditional music.
To be honest, I don’t know what kind of music I’m going to be playing eventually.
As of right now, I’m going to be grateful for when I can eventually play a song at a decent pace with some confidence and expertise and it doesn’t really matter what kind of music the song comes from. Learning to play an instrument is hard and to get a song out without sounding like nails on a chalk board will be a huge accomplishment to me.
If I play bluegrass, it’ll probably be progressive bluegrass. It has the elements of traditional bluegrass, but it’s modernized and mixed with the sounds of other musical genres. If I do Irish music, it’ll probably sound like traditional Irish. Obviously. They probably modernize it and push the envelope, but I’m not sure.
So, what kind of music will I play? I don’t know.
I’ll play the music to the beat of my drum. Or the strumming of my mandolin. Ahah.
In other news, I went to visit my special someone a couple weekends ago. I was so happy to see him. It was the best thing that happened to me this month. Getting back home was a little stressful since I had to find a new flight since both flights getting home were canceled. But I made it home in the end. And I did it (mostly) by myself. I had to do all the running to get there. My special guy managed to get the tickets for me. Now I just wait for the next time I see him. I can’t wait until then.
I will not apologize for my lack of posting. It’s stupid writing about it and it’s stupid reading about it. No one cares. I will write when I can and not feel guilty about it.
It’s pretty amazing how fast your life changes in a moment’s notice.
I’ve had several friends tell me over the years that I shouldn’t be so sure of the path my life will take because tomorrow it could change. I ignored them because I didn’t think that it could be anything but ordinary for me. Predictable. Lonely.
I was wrong.
That’s how it always is, you know?
Just when you think you’ve got your life figured out, it changes yet again.
I was reading my last entry I made on here. I mused on love and connection and the one person I wanted to be with would probably never come back and I was settling (rather begrudgingly) on living this life solo.
I was wrong.
So, so wrong.
A few days after posting that, he came back into my life. The one that I always prayed would come back to me. He was home on leave and we re-connected and decided to get together.
It was like magic. I saw him and I felt everything fall into place. I just knew that he was supposed to be with me. He’s the only person I ever want to be with, I thought. And on New Year’s we decided that we should make it official. I’ve been in a whirlwind of happiness ever since.
I didn’t think I’d fall in love, let alone be in a relationship with anybody. It’s funny how life changes, eh?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about this question too deeply before. I want to believe in love at first sight because who wouldn’t want to look at someone for the first time and think “That is the person I’m going to be with for the rest of my life.”
I’ve certainly been attracted to people. I’ve taken one look at certain people and thought how wonderful it would be to date someone that appeasing to look at. But for all I know, that could be lust. I’m sure other people have been in that situation and can attest to it.
I do believe though that you can feel connected to someone. You can meet someone and know they’re special within the first few minutes of talking to them. Maybe that is what love at first sight is all about, feeling like there is something there. Of course, I think being attracted to someone is the first major step into serious dating relationships. That is what makes us want to go over there to begin with, we find them attractive.
Once, I thought I felt a special connection with someone. I thought it was going to turn into something more. But it didn’t.
So, my answer to this question is this:
I don’t know if there’s love at first sight. It’s highly possible and I want to believe it to be true. But more than likely it’s not and I’m afraid to think that’s it right as it’s not very romantic at all. But I’ll give it the possibility of hope because I’m still a bit of a romantic even as I become a love grinch these past few years.
I love Christmas.
I love putting the decorations up. They’re so beautiful and makes the house fill with happiness.
But as the actual day inches closer, I’m feel a little low.
Maybe because it doesn’t feel like Christmas. It always feels weird when there’s no snow outside for Christmas.
It’s either been raining or really sunny and cold.
Just doesn’t seem like the time of year. Or feel like it even.
Sometimes I wish there was a big family coming over. That we were all getting together. I haven’t done that in a few years, not since my dad died. Having a small nuclear family has it’s ups and downs I suppose.
I see people rushing to visit everybody and feel sorry for them. But I’ve never had to do that so it’s kind of lonely at times. But I have my mom and that’s enough.
I gave a Christmas card to someone and I don’t think they were expecting to get a card because they gave me a big hug afterward. I’m glad I could make her happy.
Today’s a stream of conscious post, if you haven’t noticed.
I hope tomorrow I can think of something better to write about. Don’t worry, I’ll get back into the swing of things eventually.
Was I even in the swing of things?
Who knows. My posts have always been random.
Question of the Day:
Do you prefer baths or showers?
I’d say showers. I’m probably biased because I haven’t had a bath since I was about ten years old. But still, I’m going to give my solid answer to showers.
Showers are quick. Or as quick as I can make them, and quite possibly quicker than a bath. I generally don’t like the feeling of being wet, it gives me a nasty feeling, so soaking in a bathtub with lukewarm water doesn’t appeal to my senses much. Not to mention your skin looks like an old person’s.
My hair is thick, so I usually have to scrub it up, down, and underneath to get it clean. And I have to do it twice. And then it takes forever to dry it. For a five minute shower, it sure takes a long time to dry my hair afterwards.
I’ll give one good thing about showers and that it usually warms me up. Especially in the winter time when I’m permanently cold. Have that extra heat boosts me up for a couple of hours. And it feels good to feel clean afterwards. And when I can get my hair to be fluffy when I dry it. Sometimes I don’t brush it right and it sticks to the back of my head. It’s gross.
Sometimes I contemplate on how nice it would be to have hot bubble bath with sweet smelling candles and bath bombs but then I shake my head and think “nah.” Too much effort for too little results.